The Romantic Life on Deck
by cetrix
Summary: Sequel to Stranded. Zack is trying to win London's heart, Cody and Bailey are dating, and Jerry Seinfeld is on Deck. What more do you need?
1. Seinfeld on Deck

Zack and Cody were walking on the deck of the S.S. Tipton; Cody was talking endlessly about his date with Bailey the night before, "And after we had our dinner, we sat on a bench and looked at the stars-"

"Enough," Zack yelled fed up with him constantly talking about his relationship with Bailey, "I can't take it anymore, it's beyond annoying."

"What," Cody asked as the two of them stopped walking and faced each other, "I'm not allowed to express my love for the wonderful woman named Bailey."

Zack took a deep breath as if he was about to strangle his brother, "Not around me you can't."

"Now hey," Cody said pointing to him, "weren't you the one who got so excited when we got together when we were stuck on that island."

Zack grunted, "Yeah, but now that the two of you are dating it's unbearable; all the romantic talks, the 'I love You' back and forths, The 'cuddle bunny' moments, the cliches...it's sickening."

Cody stared at him for a moment, "Well I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Can't we talk about something else," Zack begged, "Anything but you and Bailey."

"Fine," Cody thought of something to talk about, "We can talk about London's new boyfriend."

"Oh yeah," Zack said in a grotesque way, "The vampire."

"What makes you think he's a vampire," Cody asked a bit shock by the remark.

Zack gave him a look, "He's a 'Count'."

"That doesn't make him a vampire," Cody explained, "it's a title."

"Of what," Zack asked not getting the point of being a 'Count', "I mean Kings rule over Kingdoms, Lords rule over Domains, Popes rule over churches, what does the Count have power over?"

"I'm sure they rule something," Cody answered impressed with the way Zack built his question, "They have to rule something, people who are counts love for people to call them counts; so it has to have some power somewhere."

"Regardless," Zack explained moving on with the conversation, "He's not a good boyfriend for London, he won't respect her or anything like that. He's doesn't deserve her."

"I'm sure he'll be a good boyfriend," Cody added walking around him, "I mean he seems lik-Wait a minute."

Cody and Zack were now on opposite side from where they were before as Cody turned back to him and asked, "Why do you care?"

Zack stuttered incoherently for a moment before finally coming out with, "No reason."

"Do you," Cody asked very slowly, "Like London."

"No," Zack said emphatically, "No, absolutely not...yes."

"What," Cody was shocked by that confession, "I-I-I don't believe it, when did this happen?"

"Well," Zack explained, "London and I had a talk where she thanked me for not going along with her delusion in the cave and when that was over I had this rush of emotion."

"I asked for the when," Cody said trying to get a time line, "But thanks for the how."

"Oh," Zack thought for a second, "Like a few hours after we got London back to normal."

Cody stared at Zack in utter amazement, "That was three months ago; why the delay on this, I mean you've dated other girls since then."

"I needed to be sure I actually liked her," Zack explained, "and that I wasn't just physically attracted to her because of what happened in the cave; but now I think I actually do like her. What do you think?"

"Considering how you usually are with girls, "Cody answered, "I think the fact you put so much thought into whether or not you like shows that you do like her."

"You're right," Zack said having an epiphany, "I'm in love in London."

"I never said that," Cody replied attempted to trap Zack.

"No I did," Zack added with a smile on his face, "now I will do...something."

"Oh no," Cody sensed a scheme brewing in his head, "Zack please, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to win London's heart," Zack explained, "by any means necessary."

"Can't you just tell her how you feel," Cody begged, "it'll save us all a lot of trouble."

"Nonsense silly pants," Zack responded, "that never works."

"It worked with me and Bailey," Cody said making a point.

"No," Zack said correcting him, "Sharing a bed worked for you and Bailey; but I have a feeling that a lot of effort will be needed with me and London."

Cody sighed, "Is this going to be an overly ridiculous scheme that will likely get us all into some kind of trouble."

Zack thought for a second, "Most likely."

"Mother of God," Cody said as Zack began to walk away, "What about Diane?"

Zack stopped, turned to him, and asked, "Who."

"Diane," Cody answered, "The girl you've been dating the past three weeks."

"Oh her," Zack said remembering who he was talking about, "I was going to break up with her any way; she's a bit...obsessive."

"Zack," Cody laughed, "she worships to a holy cross that has you hair on it instead of the lord Jesus Christ; she's well beyond the line of being obsessive. You have to break up with her before you do anything with London."

"Fine," Zack said reluctantly, "I'll do that."

_Meanwhile, over at the check in_

"Kramer," Jerry Seinfeld said walking in carrying bags with Cosmo Kramer right behind him, "I don't believe you got me to agree to go on this cruise."

"Well I won three tickets," Kramer explained, "I didn't want to go on this by myself; and you had shows in France anyway."

"Yeah but," Jerry put his bags down, "I don't like cruises."

"You know what I think," Kramer said smiling, "I don't think you have any sea legs."

"Of course I don't have sea legs," Jerry responded making a joke, "I'm Jewish. We Jews don't have sea legs; when we need to get across a body of water, we don't swim or take a boat across, we part the water and walk across."

"You know," Kramer said pointing to him, "Some people would find that kind of joke offensive."

"Hey," Jerry added defending himself, "One of the golden rules of Comedy is that you can always make fun of your own race or religion. It's rule number 5."

"What's rule number 1," Kramer asked very interested in the answer.

"Coarse language ruins comedy," Jerry answered, "Most comedians forget that one; wait, who did you give the third ticket to?"

"Well George and Elaine couldn't come," Kramer explained not really answering the question.

"Yeah," Jerry said getting nervous.

"Hello Jerry," Newman said in a smug way from behind him.

"Oh," Jerry replied in a very grotesque way, "Hello Newman."

"I decided to take the ticket," Newman explained much to Jerry's disgust, "Hope you don't mind."

Newman walked away; Jerry looked at Kramer, "This is just great; I'm stuck on a boat with Newman."

Mr. Moseby then came walking over, "Mr. Seinfeld, welcome aboard the S.S Tipton. I'm Marian Moseby."

"Hello," Jerry said as the two of them shook hands.

"I will show you to your rooms," Moseby explained, "But may I make a request? It would be an honor to have you do your stand up act here on the ship, we would pay you of course."

"I don't know," Jerry answered thinking about it, "I mean, I don't have any new material."

"That's fine," Moseby said trying to get him to agree, "Performers and friends get free bar privileges."

"Take it Jerry," Kramer begged.

Jerry thought about it for a moment, "Alright."

"Five o'clock slot good for you," Moseby asked.

"Yeah," Jerry answered.

"Great," Moseby said picking up the bags, "Now, lets take you to your rooms."

The three of them left the room.

**Author's Note:**

Here we go with the 'Romantic Life on Deck', which is a deliberately ironic title since it is more of a comedy with romance mixed in. My main goal was to add more depth to the conversations as compared to my previous story 'Stranded'. For that, I turned to the show 'Seinfeld' for inspiration and I decided to make it a crossover. Please Review.


	2. Meeting of the neatfreaks

Jerry Seinfeld walked onto the deck of the S.S. Tipton and went over to the bar where Zack and Cody were sitting, drinking milkshakes. Jerry sat to the right of Zack who was to the right of Cody; Cody looked over, "Are you Jerry Seinfeld?"

"Yes I am," Jerry answered as he took out his wallet and grabbed some napkins.

"Who," Zack asked.

"He's a comedian," Cody answered.

"Sweet," Zack said excited, "a prop comedian."

Jerry chuckled, "No, a stand up comedian."

"Oh," Zack turned to Cody, "What's a stand up comedian?"

"He gets on a stage," Cody explained, "and tells jokes."

Zack thought to himself for a moment before responding with, "Big deal, anyone can do that."

"Thank you," Jerry said as he opened his wallet using the napkins as gloves of some kind; he took out all the money that was in it, "Want 50 bucks?"

"I'm a big fan," Zack said as he took the money.

Cody watched as Jerry took out all the credit cards with the napkins and wrapped them into other napkins, "What are you doing?"

"I dropped my wallet on the bathroom floor," Jerry answered as her finished emptying the wallet, "So..."

He threw the empty wallet into the trash can, "...that's enough of that. Do you know how many germs there are on bathroom floors."

"Oh yeah," Cody answered, "I mean people's pee actually misses the urinal and hits the floor."

Jerry nodded, "Exactly."

Zack observed the conversation and whispered to himself, "Dear god, there's two of them."

"I'm Cody," Cody said introducing himself, "and that's my brother Zack."

"Nice to meet you both," Jerry shook hands with them.

Bailey then came up and sat down to the left of Cody, kissed him and said, "Hey honey, Zack...Jerry Seinfeld."

"Hello," Jerry said before giving his order to the waiter.

Cody looked at Bailey to see that her eyes were red and watery, "Are you okay."

"What," Bailey asked.

"You're crying," Cody said showing his concern.

"I'm getting over an allergy attack," She explained, "from London's cat."

Cody and Zack stared at each other for a moment before Zack said, "Bailey...London doesn't have a cat."

"She does know," Bailey replied as she took a napkin and wiped her eyes, "her boyfriend gave her a cat."

"Oh," Zack said in a disgusted tone, "the 'count' gave her a cat."

Bailey was a bit intrigued by his response, "What's with you?"

"He's in love with London," Cody said.

"What," Bailey got excited about that, "That's great...what about Diane?"

"Who," Zack answered.

"Your girlfriend," Cody and Bailey yelled in unison.

Cody looked to see that Jerry was laughing, "You know if you don't want to listen to us, we can go elsewhere."

"It's fine," Jerry responded, "I've been having trouble getting new material recently and I have a feeling that being around you people will be like striking gold."

"Well," Cody said standing, "I'm going to take Zack to break up with Diane."

"Now," Zack asked.

"Yes," Cody pulled him out of his seat, "Let's go."

They walked away leaving Bailey at the bar with Jerry; Bailey looked at him, "Nice bunch of characters aren't they."

Jerry laughed, "You should see the people I hang out with."

_Later_

Zack and Cody were down the hall from Diane's room talking.

"I can't do this," Zack said nervous as hell.

"Sure you can," Cody answered, "Just do it like a band-aid...one motion, right off."

Zack began to pace back and forth, "What if she tries to kill me?"

"You run away," Cody answered in a mocking tone, "I recommend you stay close to the door."

Zack continued to pace, "I tried to love her, I couldn't; the girl is an absolute lunatic."

"I told you when I met her," Cody agreeing with Zack's assessment, "from the moment I saw her, from behind mind you, I said, 'That girl belongs in a mental institution.'"

Zack nodded, "Yeah that's true, you did say that."

Cody laughed, "And you knew this before you went out with her, why did you ask her out to begin with? Oh don't tell me, crazy girls put out more."

"I'm a guy," Zack responded, "I can't help it."

"Well now you have to suffer the consequences," Cody looked at his watch, "Look I need to do something, I'm trusting you to do this on your own. If you don't, I'll tell Bailey you called her a slut; and there's only so many kicks to the groin you can take before you lose the ability to have kids."

"She does have a strong kick," Zack took the threat seriously, especially since Bailey already kicked between the legs once on the island, "Alright, I'm going in."

"God speed," Cody said as Zack went over to Diane's room.

**Author's Note:**

_Here's chapter 2 at long last. Hope you enjoyed. Please Review._

**Something Freaky:**

_I don't know if you seen the previews but Disney has a new 1 hour special of the Suite Life on Deck called, 'Lost at Sea'. It involves the gang getting stuck on an island._

_Go to sprouseland dot com/2009/09/ to see some pictures._

_I don't think that Disney ripped off my story, I believe it's a freaky coincidence. Just know, I came up with the idea first._


	3. Things Begin to go Crazy, For Cody

Bailey was walking through a hallway when she saw London coming out of their room, "Hey London."

"Hey Bailey," London began to walk over.

"Wait," Bailey screamed causing London to stop, "have you been holding your cat?"

"Yes," London answered.

"Then Please," Bailey said not wishing to have another allergy attack, "stay way over there."

London stayed where she was, which was 15 feet away from her, as Bailey yelled, "So, I was wondering...what do you think of Zack?"

"What," London yelled as loud music began to play from another one of the rooms in the hallway, "I can't hear you."

"I said," Bailey tries to scream over the music which seemed to get louder as she did, "What do you think about Zack?"

"I can't hear you," London had the natural ability to speak over anything, "I'll talk to you late."

"Wait," Bailey yelled as London walked away and then he said to herself, "dang it, not like I can follow you, my nose will erupt when I get within 5 feet of you."

Bailey went up to the door of the room where the music was coming from and banged on it, "Turn that down."

"And who are you," a guy from inside the room yelled back.

Bailey was starting to lose her temper, "I'm Bailey."

The music suddenly stopped, "Please don't hurt me."

Bailey nodded as she walked away, "People fear me."

----------

_Meanwhile, in Jerry's room._

Cody was in the room, which resembled a suite, it had a kitchen and everything; Cody was in the kitchen area while Jerry was sitting on the couch. Cody turned to Jerry, "This is a nice room."

"Thanks," Jerry joked, "I'm thinking about having it painted."

At that moment, Zack came in looking for Cody, "There you are, Woody said you'll be in here."

"Well," Cody responded, "how did it go."

"I did it," Zack said with a smile on his face, "I broke up with her; I started off slow."

"Of course," Cody said in agreement.

Zack continued with the story, "And then I stop beating around the bushes and just lunged into the thorns."

"Nice expression," Cody commented.

"Thank you," Zack smiled, "I rehearsed before I came in here."

"I can tell," Cody and Zack were now completely off track, "Your speaking quite well."

"Can we get back to the story," Jerry yelled.

"Right," Zack replied getting back on track and continuing with his story, "So I jumped in and almost immediately the tears started and I weakened a little bit, but I kept going...that's when objects start flying. She throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me; but, I just said 'we're done' and I ran for my life."

"You see," Cody joked, "Never has bad as you think."

Jerry laughed as he heard a door open and close from down the hall knowing exactly who it was, "Do not be startled by the thing that's about to come through the door."

Kramer came barging into the room, "Hey."

"Hello," Cody said as Kramer attempted to sit on a stool that was in the kitchen but missed the seat; he fell to the ground and stood back up almost immediately, he re-composed himself and acted very suave. Cody turned to Jerry, "Is he drunk?"

Jerry was looking through magazines, "No he's 'Kramer'."

"Okay," Zack said to Cody, "Now that I broke up with Diane I can try to win over London."

"Would you like me to give you some pointers," Kramer asked staring at him.

Zack examined Kramer, who was tall with bizarre hair, and said, "I don't think so."

"Well I've slept with 2,456 women in my life," Kramer said causing Zack and Cody to stare at him in disbelief.

"You know," Jerry added, "That's probably true."

Zack smiled and nodded, "That's impressive."

"He should be tested," Cody said to Zack.

Zack turned to Cody, "It's still impressive."

"What do you mean be tested," Kramer asked before falling back against the wall screaming as he realized what Cody meant, he opened the door looked at the three of them in terror before leaving the room.

"Is he always like that," Cody asked Jerry.

"Every single day," Jerry answered as he got up.

Zack went to the door and opened it, "Alright, I'm off."

"Good luck," Cody said as Zack left; he looked at Jerry as he went to the still open door, "I've got a diner date with Bailey."

Jerry looked at his watch as he, "It's 2:30."

"Do you have any idea how it hard it is to get a table at the restaurant on this boat, " Cody replied, "We're happy with afternoon dates."

Cody turned to leave but was cut off by the entering Newman, Newman walked past Cody, "Hello Jerry."

"Hello Newman," Jerry responded; Newman turned to Cody who just fell back against the door frame with a look of fear and terror on his face...

-------

_The Ship restaurant_

"Evil," Bailey asked Cody as the two of them were about to eat their meals.

"Yes," Cody simply answered.

Bailey looked at him as if he was paranoid, "What do you mean he's evil."

"I mean," Cody put some salt on his food, "he's 'evil'.

"You don't even know this Newman," Bailey grabbed her fork, "How do you know he's evil?"

"I looked into his eyes Bailey," Cody answered, "He's pure evil; the moment I made saw him my heart turned cold."

Bailey stared at him, "Honey, you're scaring me."

"Not as much as this man will scare you," Cody said in a very dramatic tone.

"Okay," Bailey put her fork down, "If you're going to turn into Dr. Loomis, this relationship is over; you understand."

Cody stared at her, "Yes Mam."

"Are you going to keep talking about Newman," Bailey asked.

Cody shook his head, "No."

Bailey reached over and patted him on the head, "Good boy."

They proceeded to eat their dinner...

_Later_

Bailey kissed Cody, "I had a great time."

Bailey left as Cody paid the bill, he left the restaurant when he saw Diane crying on a bench. Bailey called out from a distance, "Are you coming?"

"I'll catch up," Cody replied leading Bailey to leave; Cody sat down next to Diane, "Hey."

Diane looked at him, "Hi Cody."

"Are you okay," Cody asked even though he knew the answer.

"Zack broke up with me," Diane cried.

"It's okay," Cody said feeling bad since it was him who told Zack to break up with her, "You'll get a new boyfriend."

Cody put his arm around her causing her to smile, "You know...you're sweet."

She leaned into him causing him to take his arm off her and lean away, "Not me, I have a girlfriend."

"Good," Diane smiled, "secret love is the best kind."

She leaned towards him more leading him to fall off the bench and back away from her as she walked towards him; in a panic he went, "Look Brad Pitt....Robert Paterson....Men in white coats."

"Where," Diane ducked and covered.

Cody sprinted away, "ZAAAAACCCCKKKK!"

**Author's Note:**

_Here's Chapter 3, I'm beginning to embrace the Seinfeld style; this story is going to be really dialogue driven. I know what you thinking, how did Diane go from being in tears to suddenly being in love with Cody? I'm just going with the answer 'She's Insane' and moving on. Stay tuned to meet London's Boyfriend(Just wait to you see this character). Also, I know Bailey isn't a violent person but I decided that after I had her lose it and knock out London on the island it would be fun for her to have become a somewhat feared and respected character as a result of rumors and such. Please Review._

**Also...**

_If you enjoy my Seinfeld-Style Comedy, go to FictionPress dot com to see my new story 'The Miller Show: Season 1', the show about a young comedian, his lesbian best friend, a buddy from college, and crazy teenaged neighbor._


	4. The Count

"I don't know how this happened," Cody said to Zack who was sitting with him on the deck of the ship, "I mean the girl was crying, I had to check on her, it was the right thing to do."

"Didn't people have the same mindset when Vietnam started," Zack asked making a point, "I'm no history genius but I think that didn't go so well."

Cody rubbed his eyes, "Zack, the girl is stalking me; I ask her if she's alright and now she won't leave me alone, she keeps 'bumping into me' everywhere and she keeps calling me, I don't even know how she got my number."

"You should have known better," Zack explained, "I mean you know how she obsessed over me, I would think someone like you would guess that the next person she started obsessing over would be someone who looks exactly like me."

"You know what happened," Cody said as Jerry came up onto the deck, "My cautionary system broke down; that little voice that tells you not to do things, yeah, my voice went for a cup of coffee and that moment of absence has completely turned my life upside down."

"I stopped listening to my voice a long time ago," Zack said as Jerry sat next to Cody without him noticing, "It sounded to much like mom."

"Hello," Jerry said causing Cody to jump, "What's with you?"

"I thought you were Diane," Cody answered, "She's become obsessed with me."

"Is," Jerry said thinking of the name, "Bailey aware of this?"

"What are you nuts," Cody answered, "I should tell the girl who likes me that another girl is probably in her room pleasuring herself over my picture."

Zack laughed, "The guy has a point."

"Yes well," Jerry said smiling, "I suppose she wouldn't be the master of her domain."

"What," Cody didn't get the reference.

"Oh," Jerry laughed, "It's this ridiculous thing my friends and I did, we decided to have a bet on which one of us would last longer without 'Pleasuring' ourselves."

"I couldn't do that," Zack explained, "I mean I'm presently in love with one of the hottest girls in the world."

Jerry looked at Cody, "What about you?"

Cody was to nervous to answer, "I don't think-"

"Oh come on," Zack said pressing him, "Bailey is a good looking girl."

"I'm not comfortable with subject matter," Cody yelled, "Can we talk about something else."

Zack laughed as he looked across the deck, "Oh great."

"What," Cody asked.

"It's London," Zack answered, "and who I am assuming is the count."

Jerry stared at him, "You haven't met him."

"No," Zack replied prompting Jerry and Cody to glare at him, "I hate him on principle."

London and her boyfriend went up to their table, "Hey guys."

"Hey London," Zack and Cody replied in unison.

"Have you met my boyfriend," London pointed to the young man, "Count Marlove."

"Khan Marlove," He said speaking in an accent so bogus it was impossible to determine what he was trying to speak with.

"Hello," Zack forced a smile out.

"Why don't you tell us something about yourself," Cody asked much to Zack's dismay.

"Certainly," Khan responded, "I am Italian born but I am also English, I know how to fence while riding dolphins, I once climbed Everest in 13 minutes flat, and I can speak French...in Russian."

London gasped completely enchanted by him while Cody, Zack, and Jerry just stared at him completely dumbfounded by the pure stupidity of the man's remarks, unable to even call out the fact he was obviously full of it. Khan turned to London, "We need to get to our date."

They began to walk away as London said to the three of them, "Isn't he the most interesting man in the world."

After they left Zack, Cody, and Jerry sat in silence before Jerry finally said, "That guy may have just given me enough material to last a thousand lifetimes."

"Yeah," Cody added, "I don't even think he's a real count."

"I hate him for all sorts of reasons now," Zack said adding in to what they were saying.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Jerry was in his suite when Kramer came in, he was completely freaked out; Jerry looked at him and asked, "What's with you?"

"It's what those kids said," Kramer answered, "About how I should be tested."

"Come on Kramer," Jerry said trying to ease him, "They were kidding, I mean, you use condoms right?"

"No," Kramer answered.

Jerry was amazed by his response, "How could you not use condoms?"

"I had a low sperm count," Kramer explained, "I didn't see the point until now; now I may have an STD, I'm itching-"

"I don't want to know where you itching Kramer," Jerry exclaimed, "You know what, you had this coming; all you do is eat, sleep, and have sex, it's about time that lifestyle came back to haunt you."

"Carpe Diem Jerry," Kramer yelled, "And I don't regret any of it."

Kramer ran out of the room; Jerry tried to go after him, "Kramer."

Jerry left the room where he ran into Ms. Tutweiller who said, "Hello."

Jerry smiled, "Hello."

**Author's Note:**

_Here's Chapter 4, shorter than the last one. With London's Boyfriend I decided to have him be a character that everyone hated, so I went with him being completely full of S***; I also decided to reference the 'Most interesting Man In The World' Commercial. And, of course, London is the only one who actually believes the man's stories. I also wanted Jerry to have his own little sub-plot, so I decided on a angle involving Ms. Tutweiller. Please Review and keep an eye out for two new Suite Life stories I'll be starting within the next day._

_I'm also going to update this story again on Friday after I see 'Lost At Sea', where I'll tell you if I thought they referenced my story and post a poll for you opinion._


	5. More Craziness

Bailey walked down a hallway with a magazine in her hand to see Zack standing there, "Hey Zack have you seen Cody?"

"He's running," Zack stopped realizing it was her and didn't want to tell her about Diane, "Around...the ship, getting exercise."

"Getting Exercise," Bailey asked suspicious.

Zack got nervous, "Yes."

Bailey didn't really believe that, as Cody wasn't the athletic type; she grabbed his right ear and squeezed, "Don't you lie to me Zack."

"I'm not lying," Zack said prompting Bailey to squeeze harder, bringing him to his knees; Zack was in serious pain, "Alright, he's getting you a...necklace."

Bailey let go and smiled, "Really."

"Yes," Zack stood up, "He's trying to buy a nice one."

Bailey gasped in excitement before her interest turned to Zack, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to 'bump' into London," Zack answered, "I figured that to come on to her while she's dating 'The Count' would lead to bad things, so I'm first going to convince her to break up with him."

"Must you always make things complicated," Bailey asked.

Zack simply answered, "It's what I do...wish me luck."

"Good luck," Bailey said as Zack went off.

Zack ran into London right outside of her room, "Hey London."

"Hi Zack," London smiled, "how are you doing?"

"Good," Zack answered, "I just wanted to talk to you about Count Marlove."

"Isn't he great," London asked kind of staring into space.

Zack forced a smile out, "Yes he is, but you see he's kind of...out there."

"How," London asked giving Zack amazement as to how she can buy into the man's BS.

"I have instincts about these things," Zack explained, "and you've come to the point of your life when you should think about you want to be with..."

He put his arm around her, "...you want to live with, or you would want to 'go all the way' with; do you understand what I'm saying?"

London was silent trying desperately to get what he was babbling about before finally coming out with, "I should have sex with him."

Before Zack can respond with 'no', London kissed him on the cheek and added, "Thanks for the chat."

Zack tried to speak but before he could, London ran out of sight; Bailey walked over and asked, "I saw the kiss on the cheek, how did it go?"

Zack turned to her and answered, "I convinced her to have sex with him."

Bailey rolled up her magazine and hit him on the head with it, "No."

She hit him again, "No."

"What are you hitting me for," Zack asked.

"Because your a dog," she answered, "and you deserve to be treated like one."

She hit him again prompting him to run away....

Meanwhile, Cody was running throughout the ship with Diane not far behind; he eventually ran into Jerry's room where he saw Jerry making out with Ms. Tutweiller. The two of them were startled by him as he said, "Sorry, I'm not here."

Cody closed the door and ran into the bathroom as Diane began banging on the door. Jerry walked up to the door and opened it; Diane looked at him and said, "I saw Cody come in here."

"No that was Zack," Jerry lied, "Cody is on the deck."

Diane ran off as Jerry closed the door, he then yelled to Cody, "You're all clear."

Tutweiller got up, "I should go."

"Are you sure," Jerry asked, "I can tell him to stay in the bathroom."

She walked towards the door, "I'll see you later."

She left the room; Cody walked out of the bathroom, "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Jerry sat back on the couch, "I got a date with her tonight. Unless you've got a problem with that."

Cody stared at him, "She's my teacher not my mother, date her if you wish; wait, you get to the make out phase before the first date?"

Jerry had a look of pride on his face, "I am 'that good'."

At that moment, Zack and Bailey came into the room; Bailey went over to Cody, "Guess what Zack here just did? He convinced London to have sex with her boyfriend."

Cody looked at Zack, "You did what?"

"It wasn't my intention," Zack said defending himself.

Cody and Bailey shook their heads at him as Kramer came bursting through the door, startling Bailey; Kramer saw Bailey, who he hadn't met, and said in a suave tone, "Hey."

Bailey delivered a hard kick to Kramer's groin, who gave out a squeal before falling to the floor; Jerry was shocked by what just happened, "What did you that for?"

Bailey looked at him, as well as Cody and Zack, who were looking at her in disbelief, "The way he came in, said 'Hey', I don't know."

"What did you think he was," Zack asked, "some sort of spook?"

Bailey nodded, "Yes I did."

Jerry gave a small laugh, "There's three of us in here, why would try to kidnap you?"

"He's a big guy," Bailey answered, "he could've taken you all."

She then left the room upset; Cody began to follow, "I should probably go with her."

"Hey," Zack said to him as he reached the door, "You need to get her a necklace, I'll explain later."

Cody left the room; Kramer began to pull himself up as Jerry said to him, "You see Kramer, you scare the kids."

"I need to come up with a new strategy to win over London," Zack said openly, "I may need to go with more direct, and probably more cliché, approach."

"Well," Jerry stated giving his opinion, "from what I've observed, everything you do just makes things worse; you're like the United States government."

"What should I do then," Zack asked.

"Who says you need to do anything," Kramer answered, "She's rich right?"

"She's London Tipton," Zack said as if Kramer was an idiot.

Kramer tried to regain his composure, "Rich girls always cheat on their boyfriends or husbands anyway, you can be the one she cheats 'with' instead of the one she cheats 'one'-"

He winked at him, "The sex is better that way."

Zack raised an eyebrow, "Really."

"No," Jerry shouted, "no, no, no; don't listen to him, for God's Sake, he probably has an STD."

Kramer was still in noticeable pain leading Jerry to tell him, "Go put some ice on that."

Kramer left the room; Zack began to leave, "I'll think of something, I always do; it may not always be good idea, but I always do."

Zack opened the door where he ran into Count Marlove who said to him in his bogus accent, "Oh hello."

Zack forced a smile, "Hello."

The Count put his arm around Zack, "Listen, you're a friend of London, and I understand it was you who convinced her to do it."

Zack got concerned, "Do what?"

"So out of respect for you," he continued completely ignoring Zack, "I am informing you that I will be sleeping with her, that is, if you are okay with it."

Zack was about to let the man know what he thought when he patted him on the head and finished, "I'm glad we had this chat."

Khan then left before Zack can say anything; after a moment of silence Zack said to himself, "I need to work on my ability to speak quickly."

He then turned to Jerry, "I have a name for my pain and it is Khan Marlove."

Jerry laughed, "So, Khan is the bane of you existence."

"Yes," Zack then began to shake as he looked up at the ceiling and screamed, "KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**Author's Note:**

_Here's Chapter 5, a "KHAN" scream, LOL, it never fails to entertain. Please Review._

_Also, I saw 'Lost At Sea' and it bared little resemblance to my fanfic; the only thing remotely similar is that London losing it and that was of a totally different nature. I thought mine was better, but I would love to hear you opinion; there's also a poll on my profile about it._


	6. The Speech

Cody was getting ready to head out of his room when Zack came walking in all distraught; Cody looked at him and asked, "Something wrong?"

"Listen to this," Zack answered, "London and Marlove are having a special dinner tonight."

"Okay," Cody sensed there was more to the story.

"Moseby as this whole big night set up for them," Zack explained, "The chiefs are making this special meal, the band has a special song prepared, I mean the whole thing is set up to be-"

"Special," Cody interrupted pointing out his overuse of the word, "yeah, I got that."

"Don't you see," Zack asked his twin in a paranoid fashion, "Everyone is working against me, it's a conspiracy."

"Who are you Glen Beck," Cody asked disturbed by the way Zack was talking, "What are you talking about conspiracies for?"

There was then a moment of silence before Cody came out with, "Look, we're going to be late for class; can we go?"

"Alright," Zack said as they left the room.

Later, the two of them, along with Bailey and other students, were sitting in Ms. Tutweiller's class listening to London give a verbal presentation that she did with her partner Woody; London was just finishing up, "So in conclusion, ladies and gentlemen, Hockey, Snow, and...more hockey; We give you the Canadians."

Everyone just stared at London with their mouths wide open as Woody turned to her and said, "London, we were supposed to give a presentation on the human brain."

"She did," Ms. Tutweiller said pointing out the pure stupidity of her presentation, "Please sit down; next up Zack."

London and Woody sat down as Zack proceeded to go up to the front of the class alone, something that Bailey found odd; she turned to Cody and asked, "Where's his partner?"

"He's got sick," Cody answered, "He's been sick for several days."

"So he did the report on his own," Bailey said in amazement, "how did he-"

Cody shushed her, "I want to see what he does."

Bailey took no offense to being interrupted as she too wanted to see how Zack does by himself; Zack began to speak in some bizarre way, "What thas luve, id tha yonder makit somber-"

Zack went on in such a way that no one had any clue what he was saying, Cody could only assume he was trying to win London's heart with a poem in the style of Shakespeare but...well it wasn't working; Bailey then whispered to Cody on the idea of Zack and London dating, "They belong together."

Cody nodded, "Yeah, but the more that I think about it, the more the 'selective breeding' argument makes sense...can you imagine what their child would be like?"

Zack continued his speech, "And thee-"

"Okay," Ms Tutweiller yelled walking up to him; she took a deep breath and tried to keep her cool, "Zack, I think you misunderstood-"

The Ship's horn sounded off, prompting the end of classes for the day and causing Tutweiller to immediately run out of the classroom saying, "Oh thank God."

Tutweiller was clean out of the room before any of the students had time to even react to the class being over; there was an awkward moment of silence before Cody stood up and said, "I guess class is over."

Everyone stood up and walked out of the classroom...

About an Hour later, Zack and Cody were talking to each other; Cody was completely in shock about the speech Zack gave in class, "I just want to know what you were saying."

"Did I stutter," Zack said as if he actually spoke clearly during the speech, "I said 'I love you London and I want to be with you', clear as day."

Cody stared at him for a moment, "You spoke like three paragraphs just to say that."

"It takes longer in Shakespeare," Zack replied causing Cody great frustration.

"Zack," Cody explained, "What you were doing, wasn't Shakespeare; it was some sort of demonic speech."

"And all you need now is a Bible," Jerry added attempting to make a joke about exorcism.

Cody looked at Jerry briefly before saying to Zack, "Why is it we've started to hang out in here all the time; no offense Jerry."

"None taken," Jerry stated while reading a magazine.

"It's just," Cody continued, "We have friends, why are spending all of our time here?"

Zack had a spoonful of the pudding he was eating before he answered with, "They gave him good pudding."

"Yes they did," Jerry added before taking a bite of his pudding. Cody just shrugged and went on to eat the pudding he had as the three of them sat at the table in Jerry's suite that was covered with lots of pudding cups.

"By the way," Zack said to Jerry, "Whatever happened to Kramer?"

* * *

Kramer was balled up in the corner of his suite in tears, the room was a mess and opera was playing loudly; Kramer was on the phone with a girl he dated a few years back screaming, "I'm sorry, I didn't know about the risks....Because I never went to that class."

* * *

"I don't know," Jerry answered as he flipped the page of his magazine.

Cody then decided to continue his conversation with Zack about his plans to win London's heart, "I'm just wondering...what is this all leading to? What's the scheme here."

"Well you see," Zack answered, "I thought about it for a while, but I ultimately decided to show London who I really am by being impulsive."

Cody thought about that answer for a second before responding with, "You couldn't come up with a scheme so you're just making it up as you go along."

Zack nodded, "Yeah pretty much."

There was then a knock on the door; Cody stood up and went to answer it, "I'll get it."

He opened it to see Newman there who proceeded to say in his typical smug fashion, "Hello Cody."

"Hello Newman," Cody replied practically channeling the tone and mannerisms of Jerry when he responds to Newman.

"I heard you were here," Newman explained very methodically as if he were up to something, "and I have heard you are quite smart and-"

"I'm not helping you with anything," Cody interrupted fully aware of what Newman was building up to.

Newman was a bit surprised by that, "I haven't even told you-"

"I don't trust you Newman," Cody stated, "I can sense nothing but pure evil in you, and I just know you're up to no good."

"Alright," Newman responded in anger, "But here me Cody, and here me well; Cross me and I will become the thorn in side of your very existence, everyone you know and love, or have even seen in passing, will suffer."

Cody stared at him, "I'll risk it."

He slammed the door in Newman's face and began to return to the table when he heard Newman yell from the hall, "Alight!!! But You haven't learned!!! You haven't heard the last of me!!!"

Cody just shrugged and returned to the table with Jerry and Zack.

**Author's Note:**

_Here it is at long last, the chapter that has been the road block of this story for the longest time; it had been the road block because it was here when I realized that I really didn't have any clue where I was going with this story. So I had to work out how I was going to end it all and then I went through writer's block(which also hindered me with 'Moment of Weakness', my apologies to the Hurricane) I tried to shift to Kim Possible for a while which hasn't gone all that well in terms of activity, I moved to a new home, I had to find a job, and a bunch of other insanity which resulted in me completely forgetting about this chapter all together until a fan reminded me with a PM, so I sat down and finally wrote it....My life has been exciting recently._

_Please review._


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